How to Support Someone With Crohn's or Colitis

If someone you love has Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis, the most useful thing you can do is usually simple: ask what they need, believe what they tell you, and make everyday life a little easier to plan around. You don’t need medical knowledge for that. Their care team handles the medical side. You can help with the rest.

This guide is for partners, parents, friends and family. It covers what tends to help, what tends to sting even when it’s meant kindly, what’s different when the person is your child or teen, and how to look after yourself while you’re doing all this. If you’re the one living with IBD, How to Explain Crohn’s or Colitis to Friends and Family is the companion to this guide.

What does someone with IBD actually want from the people around them?

Everyone is different, so ask them. That said, a few things come up again and again.

• Being believed. Crohn’s and colitis are often invisible. Someone can look well and be having a hard day.
• Not having to explain every time. Cancelling, leaving early or needing the bathroom shouldn’t require a speech.
• Being treated like themselves. IBD is one part of their life, not all of it.
• Practical help, not pressure. A ride, a meal, a quiet evening in. Not a project to fix them.

Ask rather than assume

Guesses can miss, and it’s tiring to keep correcting them. Asking is kinder and quicker.

Some questions that tend to work:

• “What would help today?”
• “Do you want company, or would you rather have some space?”
• “Would you like me to come to your next appointment, or is that something you’d rather do on your own?”
• “Is there anything you’d like me to know, or not mention, around other people?”

The answer may change from week to week. Someone newly diagnosed may want you closely involved. Someone who has lived with IBD for years may have their own system and just want you to follow their lead. Both are fine. Let them set the pace.

Make plans that can bend

Plans are where IBD often shows up for friends and partners. A few habits many people appreciate:

• Offer an easy out. “Let’s do dinner Friday, and if you’re not up for it, we’ll just swap to takeout at yours.”
• Don’t make cancelling expensive. Skip the guilt, the sighs, and “you always do this.” A simple “no problem, another time” means a lot.
• Keep inviting them. Even if they’ve said no the last few times. Being asked still counts, even when the answer is no.
• Suggest low-key options. A film at home, a walk with an easy route back, a café you both know.

Quietly make bathrooms easy

You don’t have to make a thing of it. Small, quiet moves help:

• Notice where the restrooms are when you arrive somewhere new, so they don’t have to ask.
• Pick seats near the aisle or the exit at films, gigs and events if they’d like that.
• On a road trip, plan stops without being asked, or ask once at the start how they’d like to handle stops.
• If they step away, carry on as normal. No comments, no jokes, no “everything okay?” in front of others.

If you’re not sure whether they’d like this kind of help, ask once in private. Some people love it. Others would rather handle it themselves.

Leave food and weight alone

This one surprises people. Comments about what someone is eating, or how much, or how they look, can land badly even when they’re meant as compliments.

• Don’t comment on their plate. What they eat is between them and their care team.
• Don’t comment on weight, up or down. “You’ve lost weight, you look great” can hurt, because you don’t know what’s behind it.
• Don’t push food. “Just try a little” is hard to say no to.
• Do make it easy. When you’re hosting, it’s fine to ask, “Anything you’d like me to have in, or anything that makes it easier?” and leave it there.

Practical help on bad days

“Let me know if you need anything” is kind, but it puts the work back on them. Specific offers are easier to say yes to:

• “I’m going to the shop. What can I pick up?”
• “I can do the school run tomorrow.”
• “I’ll bring dinner over and leave it at the door. No need to chat.”
• “I can drive you to your appointment and wait in the car.”

A few other things people often appreciate:

• Being a second pair of ears at appointments, writing down what was said. Our guide to questions worth asking your care team has a section on bringing someone along.
• Keeping the house running: laundry, dishes, bins.
• Sitting with them. Sometimes company on the sofa is the whole job.

What not to say to someone with Crohn’s or colitis

Most hurtful comments come from good intentions. These come up often:

Instead of	Try
”But you look fine."	"How are you actually doing?"
"Have you tried cutting out [food]?"	"Is there anything I can do?"
"My cousin fixed hers with [supplement].”	Nothing. Let them bring up what they want to.
”I know how you feel, I get an upset stomach too."	"I can’t imagine. I’m here."
"You’re always cancelling."	"No problem. Another time."
"Just try to relax, it’s probably stress."	"That sounds really hard."
"You’ve lost weight, you look great!”	Leave appearance out of it.

The big one is unsolicited advice: diets, supplements, articles, miracle stories. People with IBD hear a lot of it, and it can feel like being told it’s their fault. If they want ideas, they’ll ask. Medical decisions belong with them and their care team.

Supporting a partner with IBD

Partners are often the closest witness to the hard days. A few things that come up for couples:

• Talk about it on a good day, not just in the middle of a bad one. What helps? What doesn’t? What would they like you to do if they’re unwell?
• Keep the relationship more than IBD. Date nights, silly jokes and shared plans still matter.
• Be easy about the body stuff. Bathroom talk can be normal between you, while still respecting their privacy when they don’t want to discuss it.
• Tell them they’re still attractive to you, if that’s true for you both. Body image can take a hit.
• Talk about the load. If you’re doing more for a long stretch, say so kindly and work it out together, without blame.

Supporting your child or teen with IBD

When it’s your child, you’re carrying the practical side and the emotional side at once. A few things many parents find helpful:

Give them a say

• Let them have as much control as their age allows. Even young children can choose small things, like which snack to bring or what to listen to on the drive.
• Help them find their words. Practice a short, simple explanation they can give friends, coaches or teachers, so they don’t have to improvise.
• Hand over gradually. Teens can start asking their own questions at appointments and keeping track of their own plans, with you as backup.

Work with their school

The Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation’s school page explains that a 504 plan can set out accommodations for kids and teens with Crohn’s or colitis at public schools and some private schools, and suggests starting by contacting your child’s principal or guidance counselor. The Foundation also has a template Section 504 plan you can pick and choose from. Rules and processes vary, so ask your school how it works there. Our guide to Crohn’s or colitis at school and college walks through 504 plans and what to say to teachers.

Make room for the feelings

Kids and teens can feel embarrassed, angry, or different from their friends. You don’t have to fix those feelings. Many parents simply listen, and let them know other kids live with IBD too.

Resources from the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation

We checked these on the Foundation’s site in October 2026. Details can change, so check the pages for the latest.

• Growing Up with Crohn’s & Colitis: a hub for parents, kids, teens and young adults, with links to school resources, a 504 plan brochure for parents and caregivers, a brochure for teachers and school staff, and a discussion guide for parents.
• Support groups: including groups for parents and caregivers, and IBD Kidz and IBD Teens groups for children and teens, listed by age.
• Just Like Me: the Foundation’s section for teens, covering school, friends and family, dating, and sports.
• Camp Oasis: a summer camp for children and teens with Crohn’s and colitis, with a virtual option too.
• The IBD Help Center: information specialists you can reach at 1-888-MY-GUT-PAIN or by email or chat. The Foundation says anyone can contact it, including families, and that it doesn’t give medical or legal advice. Check the page for current hours.

Caring for yourself as a supporter

Supporting someone you love is meaningful, and it can also be tiring, worrying and lonely. Both can be true at once.

• Keep some of your own life. Your friends, your hobbies, your sleep. It’s easier to be there for someone when you’re not running on empty.
• Have someone to talk to who isn’t the person you’re supporting. A friend, a counselor, or other supporters.
• Find people who get it. The Foundation’s support group finder lists groups for parents, caregivers, and family and friends.

If you’re worried about how the person you support is coping emotionally, our guide to IBD and mental health includes crisis contacts and ways to raise it with a care team.

• Let yourself have feelings about it. Frustration, sadness and fear are normal. Having them doesn’t make you a bad partner, parent or friend.

A quick checklist for supporters

• Ask what helps, and ask again from time to time
• Offer plans that are easy to change
• Keep inviting them, even after a few no’s
• Notice where the bathrooms are, quietly
• Leave food, weight and appearance out of conversation
• Make specific offers on bad days
• Hold back unsolicited advice
• Keep some time and support for yourself

Sharing what’s going on, if they want to

Some people with IBD like to show the people close to them how the last few weeks have been. If the person you support uses Flarely, they can make a 30-day summary PDF in one tap and send it to whoever they choose: a partner, a parent, a friend, or their care team. Whether to share, and with whom, is entirely their call.

If you’re going with them to an appointment, our printable care team questions sheet can help you both keep track. More printables are on our tools page.

Frequently asked questions

How can I support someone with Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis?

Ask what they need instead of guessing, keep plans flexible, make bathroom access easy without making a fuss, and offer specific practical help on hard days. Let them decide how much they want to share and how involved you are.

What should you not say to someone with IBD?

Skip unsolicited fixes and diet tips, comments about their food or weight, and lines like “but you look fine” or “I know exactly how you feel.” Questions like “what would help today?” usually land better than advice.

How do I help my child or teen with IBD?

Give them as much say as their age allows, help them practice explaining their needs, and work with their school. The Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation has parent resources, support groups for parents and for kids and teens, and the IBD Help Center at 1-888-MY-GUT-PAIN.

How do I look after myself when I’m supporting someone with IBD?

Keep some of your own routines, friendships and rest. Talk to someone who isn’t the person you’re supporting. Support groups for parents, caregivers, family and friends exist for exactly this.

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Flarely is for your own wellbeing. This guide isn’t medical advice. For medical questions, talk with your care team. It isn’t legal advice either; rules vary by place and change over time.